Some very pwerful words in defining domestic abuse
In Their Own Words
March 28, 2006
“We are telling victims that the abuser will be treated differently if he/she is in a position of power, that we are unwilling to call what is happening to them abuse, and that we are unwilling to hold the abuser accountable. We are telling abusers that they will not be held accountable by this community and that we are willing to brush off (even reward) their behavior because of their position; essentially we are giving current and potential abusers permission to be abusive. We have an obligation as a community to say out loud that domestic violence – in its various forms and regardless of the abuser’s position – is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.”
-- Melissa Radcliff, Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County, Chapel Hill News, February 24, 2006. Radcliff wrote the guest editorial after Carrboro’s fire chief was allowed to remain on the town’s payroll until retirement, even though he violated a domestic protective order. The violation occurred just a week after the Chief accepted a plea bargain that allowed him to avoid criminal conviction if he stayed away from his former girlfriend for six months.
http://endabuse.org/newsflash/index.php3?Search=Article&NewsFlashID=749
A Call To Action: New Legislation Will Address Findings From WHO Study
June 9, 2006
“We found that women’s greatest risk of violence is from a partner,” said Claudia Garcia-Moreno, Department of Gender, Women and Health, World Health Organization and the study’s overall coordinator. “Many women internalize social norms that justify abuse. Many think, for instance, that a man is justified in beating his wife if she disobeys him or refuses to have sex.”
“Our biggest surprise,” Garcia-Moreno added, “was learning how hidden the problem is and how few women contact formal support services. In fact, many women had never told anyone about the violence in their lives before we asked them for this study. We need to do more to change social norms that justify violence against women.”
Action Needed
“The depth and scope of the global landmark study is remarkable,” Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE) said. “This report reveals a global picture of the treatment of women – and the statistics are appalling and egregious. In some communities, women are safer in the streets than they are in their own homes. This reality is unacceptable and preventable – and we need to step up our strategies to address it.”
“We have learned from our work here in the U.S. that we will not end violence by building shelters and training police officers and judges alone,” Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler said. “That work is crucial, but violence against women will not stop until communities and countries decide to stop it. So our goal must be to change the social norms that tolerate violence and allow women to be treated as chattel.”
http://endabuse.org/newsflash/index.php3?Search=Article&NewsFlashID=771
March 28, 2006
“We are telling victims that the abuser will be treated differently if he/she is in a position of power, that we are unwilling to call what is happening to them abuse, and that we are unwilling to hold the abuser accountable. We are telling abusers that they will not be held accountable by this community and that we are willing to brush off (even reward) their behavior because of their position; essentially we are giving current and potential abusers permission to be abusive. We have an obligation as a community to say out loud that domestic violence – in its various forms and regardless of the abuser’s position – is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.”
-- Melissa Radcliff, Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County, Chapel Hill News, February 24, 2006. Radcliff wrote the guest editorial after Carrboro’s fire chief was allowed to remain on the town’s payroll until retirement, even though he violated a domestic protective order. The violation occurred just a week after the Chief accepted a plea bargain that allowed him to avoid criminal conviction if he stayed away from his former girlfriend for six months.
http://endabuse.org/newsflash/index.php3?Search=Article&NewsFlashID=749
A Call To Action: New Legislation Will Address Findings From WHO Study
June 9, 2006
“We found that women’s greatest risk of violence is from a partner,” said Claudia Garcia-Moreno, Department of Gender, Women and Health, World Health Organization and the study’s overall coordinator. “Many women internalize social norms that justify abuse. Many think, for instance, that a man is justified in beating his wife if she disobeys him or refuses to have sex.”
“Our biggest surprise,” Garcia-Moreno added, “was learning how hidden the problem is and how few women contact formal support services. In fact, many women had never told anyone about the violence in their lives before we asked them for this study. We need to do more to change social norms that justify violence against women.”
Action Needed
“The depth and scope of the global landmark study is remarkable,” Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE) said. “This report reveals a global picture of the treatment of women – and the statistics are appalling and egregious. In some communities, women are safer in the streets than they are in their own homes. This reality is unacceptable and preventable – and we need to step up our strategies to address it.”
“We have learned from our work here in the U.S. that we will not end violence by building shelters and training police officers and judges alone,” Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler said. “That work is crucial, but violence against women will not stop until communities and countries decide to stop it. So our goal must be to change the social norms that tolerate violence and allow women to be treated as chattel.”
http://endabuse.org/newsflash/index.php3?Search=Article&NewsFlashID=771
posted by Valerie | 9:35 PM
4 Comments:
This is a truly tragic story - and I can believe every word of it. And I share the concern on the blog that abusers can so easily turn things around to incriminate the victim - which is standard abusive behavior tactics. Not to mention manipulation and deception.
My only problem with this blog is the same problem I have with every other blog I have read. And that is that the women are alleged to be the victims of male abusers.
As a male who was abused by a female spouse for a prolonged period of time before realizing the problem, I know full well how DV starts and progresses.
It starts as something that seems to have a valid explanation and then progresses to the point where no explanation is valid.
In my case, this included my spouse holding our frightened and screaming child between us on several occassions as she threated to leave with the kid, hissing threats such as "get a good look at your princess, it's the last time you're going to see her."
When I refused to allow this to happen, she lied to the police and courts and said I was a controlling abuser.
The same thing was alleged when our total life savings vanished in 60 days and I had not spent a dime of it. When I asked for the bank statements and an explanation, the police and courts were told I was a money grubbing control freak who abused her by demanding an accounting of every penny she spent. And it was true that I wanted to know where every penny went, when we were $4000 over-budget for two months running without any records of where the money went!
Being a female, my wife could get restraining orders by simply stating whe was "afraid" of me even though I have no police record of any type and no witnesses validated her false allegations.
The same police that served me with restraining orders would not issue them against my wife when she repeatedly showed up at my job - to the point where my boss asked if I wanted her given a trespass notice, after she had gotten herself trespassed from a retail store chain for harassing the help.
I was deemed a deadbeat and incapable of supporting my child because I could no longer pay the bills after my wife spent our savings, emptied our bank account and walked out on me and our child. Oddly, no one seemed to care that all of the money spent was tied to her bank card or checks with her signature, and not my card or my checks.
Even though my wife had a member of her family pick up my daughter from a friend's house without my knowlege and without any contact for over 24 hours, the police did not consider it kidnapping. The court, however, did award me sole custody pending the divorce results.
This prompted my wife to come crying back begging for forgiveness and, though her family warned me, I agreed to reconcile.
Ten days later, she filed for divorce a second time with even more severe allegations of abuse, which were later discounted by the court. Unfortunately, just the mere mention of that level of abuse resulted in my wife getting custody pending the divorce results and me being initially denied any visitation at first and only allowed supervised visitation thereafter.
Those on this blog are absolutely correct, abusers know how to use the legal system to further abuse their victims.
The legal system makes things worse - particularly for men - by automatically believing the abuser and discounting the victim's side of things.
I once found myself in court with my wife's attorney wrestling a piece of evidence out of my hand while I politely asked her to let go more than a dozen times and as my attorney watched. When she finally twisted it from my hand, she looked at me and said "ouch, you hurt me" in a voice so loud that the judge looked up from the bench! The reality is that when she finally freed the item from my hand, one of her long - and likely fake - nails dug against an ajacent finger. BOTH I and my attorney saw what happened. But the raised eyebrows of the judge carried a different message.
There is a great deal of manipulation by the lawyers in the family court system. They treat this as a game and fail to realize that any children are the true victims - even if the allegations of abuse are completely false.
Yes, women can be abusers. Your point is well taken. I know from my experience that I never even lifted a hand to protect myself but found that my X's attorney stated in court that the abuse was mutual. How do I prove otherwise when I didn't even have enough courage to call the police to take a report? He didn't have to have been hurt or threatened in any manner as I found out, all he had to do was to swear in his statement to the court that he was "in fear for his physical safety". No other reason or proof had to be given. The problem is not just with an abuser, but with the judicial system that doesn't care enough to learn the truth and it is usually a matter of whomever has the most money, wins.
It is our sincere hope that the owners and/or administrators of this website will allow this message to remain on your domain. In return, a link to this (your) website will be posted on the new website mentioned below.
Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a new and powerful social network/message board coming to town, soon. By soon I mean as soon as a good and proper name is determined for it. The hardware and software has been leased and or purchased. The community is currently up and running although it’s skeletal at the moment, but only because we want the membership to determine what’s best to service “all” of our needs.
The intent of this network is to consolidate every network on the internet, such as this one. This is something each and every one of us absolutely needs in our quest to reform the family courts of America and the GSE’s (Government Sponsored Enterprises) that have sprung up around them, such as CPS and DCFS, which quite literally cripple us as legitimate parents, good citizens, and deny us of our Constitutional rights as well as other privileges enjoyed by every other citizen of these United States.
The software we’re using to operate this social network is both powerful and flexible. It can be easily customized to meet the specific needs of the entire community. Additionally there will be multiple administrators to oversee the community regarding customizations to the software as well as multiple moderators to manage sections of the community dedicated to servicing the specific needs of individual states. The software offers features such as Private Messaging, eMailing, Social Groups, Picture Albums, Event Calendars, Link-Backs to and from other sites, Petitions, Press Releases (manually submitted to news organizations by the appropriate administrators or moderators), and will eventually offer individual Blogging.
This site will have its own unique domain name and be indexed by internet search engines to optimize our exposure. The site will be operated as a non profit organization and the owners expect nothing in return for the out of pocket expenses incurred to create it. There will be non intrusive ads on the site, just as you see here, to generate revenue to cover month to month expenses of operating the site and eventually enough to sponsor a Lobbyist group for our cause. Of course that will depend on how many times members click on those Ads which will be the only source of revenue other than voluntary donations of the membership. Membership is and will always remain FREE of charge.
The owners of this website will remain forever anonymous for personal protection. The owners of this website are not only advocates for Family Court Reform we and our children are victims of the injustices of Family Court.
We implore every one of you to investigate this website with an open mind and make your own determination as to its validity and capability to become a foundation for us to collectively forge our way forward in our quest to reform the family court systems of America.
The site is currently open and available for you to browse or join at your discretion. The URL to the site (which will be changing as soon as a good and proper name is determined) is: http://www.politicksnow.com/forums/ Please bare in mind that the site lacks graphics and a logo by design, not by error because we believe the membership should have a say in such issues.
Finally, it does not matter if you are a custodial or non-custodial parent, relative, or friend on one. The only requirement for membership on this new website is that you recognize the need to reform the family courts of America and that you are willing to participate to achieve that goal.
Sincerely,
Anonymous - Family Court Reform Advocate
Case in South Carolina family court where a REGISTERED CHILD SEX OFFENDER has been granted custody of a minor child. This REGISTERED CHILD SEX OFFENDER also lives across the street from a middle school and a major park where children play. CPS referred to this REGISTERED CHILD SEX OFFENDER as an "EXCELLENT ROLE MODEL" for a minor child. Just what can a REGISTERED CHILD SEX OFFENDER teach a young innocent child? We must stand up for children's rights and family court reform. In the family courtroom TRUTH AND JUSTICE do not matter. All that seems to matter is winning at all costs...in a system that claims to only look out for the "best interests of the children". If so, how could a REGISTERED CHILD SEX OFFENDER be trusted with the care and upbringing of a young, innocent, impressionable child? Family Court is in dyer need of reform. Our children deserve to be where they are protected and loved. I pray that someone will help me, as I have made it my life's mission to rescue these children who are being placed in harm's way by the very system that is sworn to protect them. I urge others to join me in my fight for truth and justice. "The only triumph of evil is when good men do nothing".
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